I mean that, both literally and figuratively.
Honestly you could mute the E3 2014 Destiny trailer and have the time of your life. Look at all those sexy pew pews, sleek starships, shimmering special effects and one hilariously rotund bruiser. It looks like a good, clean, slightly generic if agreeably energetic Space Opera.
Look away from the screen though, and even the dulcet tones of Peter Dinklage and Bill Nighy can’t save this geyser of cliché. It dribbles derivative lore in sombre tones. It’s a hokey effort to mask a shameful reality - than a creatively stunted six year old could have penned this drama. In crayon.
And don’t get me started on the fact every major subject rocks the definitive article before its title. The Traveller. The Darkness. The Guardians. The City. The Fallen.
Having that many super ultimate maximum badasses in one title can only ramp up tension, eh Bungie? God forbid you’d have to think of an actual name for your city… Or prophesised cadre of elite darkness bashing gunmen…
Moving away from the literal interpretation, Destiny still sounds balls and looks ballistic.
If Destiny’s mission structure, multiplayer set-up and progression system is to be taken at face value, it sounds like Bungie ran giddily into Activision and pitched
“OMG! Ok, right, there’s this hot new indie craze all the, like, trendiest gamers are playing. I think it’s called World of Warcrafting. It’s what is known as an M-M-O, which is just nonsense coolspeak for playing your game at the same time as other people are playing their game but sometimes you play your game in their game even though it looks like they’re playing their game in your game AND ITS SOOOOOO FETCH!!”
Yeah. It’s an MMO, Bungie. Gotcha.
Thankfully, Destiny has the good grace to look splendid!
That fluid shooting is supplemented by Street Fighter-esque special moves. Grenades and gadgets are buffeted by colourful shields and stat boosts. Assorted vehicles can be enjoyed and destroyed by multiple players at once. And at any given moment there can be a dozen or more character models doing their thing. And it’s worth emphasising, oh my giddy parent’s sister, the PEW PEWS!!!
Destiny is almost cooked. My console should be nomming it early September. It’s had its final E3 showing, and I’m left a little conflicted. My dig about the MMO template aside, I do trust Bungie to deliver a pumping game. I do not, however, trust them to give me anything other than trite, tired science fiction.