We take a look at why The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim isn't all it's cracked up to be...
With the end of the year closing in on us, many people’s thoughts are now turning to which title is most deserving of game of the year. One title that will be featuring highly on the majority of these lists will undoubtedly be Bethesda’s The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim. However, these people are wrong. Completely and utterly wrong... and we have the proof right here.
5) You Can’t Shoot People
Come on! It’s the 21st Century already! Why the hell are people still making games where we’re not running around shooting people non-stop? Skyrim might have swords, but they’re so middle ages. Imagine running around the world of Skyrim armed with an
AK-47 or a FAL. Oh it would be majestic. Although there’s no real cover system to speak of, so that would have to be addressed too. In fact, what the hell were
Bethesda thinking? Look at the sales figures for The Best Game In The World of All Time Ever,
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3, to see that guns and explosions are what the people want, not some stupid storyline and non-playable characters you can’t even kill.
4) Magic Isn’t Real!
So let’s say we can get past the whole no guns thing for a few minutes... you’ve still got magic in the game world. And dragons. How is that supposed to draw you in? Magic is stuff for kids’ birthday parties and strange smelling old men who dress funny. Shooting people in the face is real. How anyone could take a game with spells seriously is beyond us.
3) No Multiplayer? Pfft!
Bethesda has created this massive world for us to explore, but then they completely failed to give us
multiplayer? What a wasted opportunity. Anyone who has played Skyrim for longer than ten minutes and hasn’t fallen asleep due to all that dialogue and side-quest nonsense will surely agree that the game needs some kind of barbaric sword swinging team death match to really save it. It’s embarrassing to think that nobody at Bethesda realised that this kind of thing is integral to a game’s success nowadays.
2) Marriage? Seriously?
Why on earth would anyone want to get married in a video game? It’s bad enough that most of us end up having to do it in real life without having to listen to a virtual nag getting on your case all the time. It’s not even like you can reap any of the real world rewards of having a missus, like tasty dinners or a home that seems to magically tidy itself when you’re off out pillaging. If we wanted that kind of crap in our games we’d go buy
The Sims or something equally idiotic.
1) HOW MANY HOURS???
Bethesda have seriously misunderstood the needs of the modern gamer with the obscene length of Skyrim. Not only do you have a main quest that’s longer than the entirety of many other franchises played back to back, but then there’s the potentially infinite side-quests to take into account. Give us a break Bethesda! Don’t you know that all we’re interested in is blowing shit up and taking part in ten minute games with a 3 minute break in between.
The way Skyrim has turned out, you’d think that Bethesda knew nothing about the gaming industry and the needs of gamers today. We think they need a crash course in how to make games that people actually want!
Note: Anyone who agrees with anything listed above needs help, fast.