Why I Couldn't Give Less of a Crap About The Batmobile


Why I Couldn't Give Less of a Crap About The Batmobile
E3 2014 – Gut Reactions!

For those of you even fleetingly aware of ‘Batman’, you’ll realize he is defined not by his penchant for airborne rats, but instead a zero tolerance stance on killing. He adheres to this with the same kind of zealous intent with which he tackles his training regime. It’s kind of what makes him so heroic. Superly heroic, you might argue. And it’s also what made Arkham Asylum and Arkham City such tremendous achievements. Rocksteady tapped into the very essence of The Batman.

Speaking of which, Batman also adheres to a secondary policy, but no less strictly… ‘No Guns!’
You could see how that might tie into the first one. A bit.

And so, to the Batmobile…

For those of you even fleetingly aware of the concept of ‘traffic’, you’ll understand the detractors of driving a sodding tank around the under-maintained roadways of a decaying urban centre. Even if the population is comprised entirely of police and outlaws. Especially if, in fact.

Why Bats doesn’t drive an armoured dirt-bike is forever beyond me. But that’s not even my principal beef with the Batmobile, or more specifically, Rocksteady’s misguided inclusion of the Batmobile in their incoming next-gen exclusive Arkham Knight.

In “Battle-Mode”, the Batmobile positively bristles with guns!
But since the B-Daddy (don’t worry, never saying that again) won’t kill, these bullet shooters can only be employed against unmanned drones. Which is a little contrived considering the city’s governing body is comprised of psychopaths and substance abusers who lack the organisational savvy needed to dress themselves properly, let alone segment their turf into clearly defined populated and non-populated theatres…

So basically these unmanned drone sections are an excuse to give Rocksteady fans, fans who have grown fat on unique, balanced, intuitive combat and stealth systems, fans who are loyal to this development house down to its innate understanding of the source material… wait for it…. TANK SECTIONS!

Coz TANK SECIONS are definitely not, in any way, stagnant gameplay.
Coz TANK SECTIONS have evolved so very much in the last decade of gaming.
Coz TANK SECTIONS aren’t totally at odds with the precise, deliberate mechanics seen elsewhere in the same game.

I know the wider industry is very much in love with the notion of aiming a crosshair, pulling a trigger and watching pixels explode and/or die. But come on!
I thought The Goddamn Batman was sacred!

Off the top of my head (which for the record, doesn’t invent games for a living) behold a list of ammunitions the Batmobile could shoot in place of the extremely lethal projectiles the man driving it would be loath to deploy if there was even the slightest chance of collateral damage… (breathe Jack, breathe)

Plastic rounds
Bean bags
Smoke Bombs
Cables (for rope bridges or grapple points)
High Frequency Audio Crowd Control
The Shitting Infinite Supply of Freeze Grenades he got at the end of the last shitting game!

I’m not sure why Rocksteady suddenly felt the Bat needed bullets. Maybe something simply has to die before an IP can’t graduate to the next generation, regardless of context. But beyond the sacrilege of Machine-Gun Batman, TANK SECTIONS are so sodding dull.

I need a Xanax!

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