Fifty Shades of Grey is almost here, are you ready to read a lot of things about it?
Well you should be - the adaptation of E. L. James' first novel (in a trilogy folks) is pretty much guaranteed to break box office records around the world once it launches on the 13th of February. It's the most pre-booked flick in the history of movie booking site Fandango and ravenous fans are likely to catch the action multiple times.
It's going to be very big indeed, and it's going to be uncut.
At least that's the case in the UK, where Fifty Shades has been passed uncut by the BBFC and slapped with an 18s rating. There will be no trims to the 125 minute feature, but the rating was levied for these reasons:
"The film contains strong sex and nudity, along with the portrayal of erotic role play based on domination, submission and sado-masochistic practices. There are also strong verbal references to such practices and the instruments used."
No surpises there then, considering this pretty much reads as a summary of the first book - which is a story in which an actual written S&M contract is discussed at length. Generally speaking, Irish cinema goers get to experience the same version of the film as UK audiences as the IFCO here doesn't cut films anymore. So, it has also earned an 18s rating in Ireland for Mild Drug use and Strong Violence, Sex and Language. Other comments include "explicit sexual content". Yay...?
In other news, reports are coming in that a full 20 minutes of Fifty Shades features some kind of bonking, again pretty representative of the book its based on. And that still leaves 105 minutes for two grown up people to have conversations like this.
Dornan just comes off as a serial killer here. Or maybe I've watched too much of The Fall...
Fifty Shades of Grey is in cinemas from the 13th of February 2015. If you don't want to hear about it, start prepping your bunker now.