The 5 Worst Films of 2012

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The 5 Worst Films of 2012
Celebrating our worst movie theatre moments
Ah the end of the year, there’s a chill in the air and the expectation of Christmas on the way. And in critics circles around the world, it’s the time to reflect on the year that has passed us by, on the best the entertainment world has had to offer.

It’s a pleasant experience, reliving movie delights that may grow to become classics in your collection in coming years. But in order to recall the good you must, inevitably, also delve into your memories of the worst of the year – that list of titles never to be encountered willingly again. And so, as we finalise our best movies of 2012 list, why not bide your time with the ones that we henceforth commit to the slag heap of cinema history. For your perusal and the possibility of sparing you from their horrors, we give you Click's five worst films of 2012.


Taken 2 (read the review)
2008s Taken was a film which never worked for me – an overly mean spirited, xenophobic slice of sub par action cinema, which somehow managed to grab star Liam Neeson in a weak moment and milk him for every hint of gravitas he could bring to the role.

Taken 2 is much, much worse.

New director Olivier Megaton was likely ill served by Luc Besson’s utterly awful script but still does nothing interesting with the action – while the decision to remove all on screen violence is baffling. Neeson does what he can, chiefly looking like he wants to be off murdering people when he’s forced to interact with his incredibly dull daughter (MaggieGrace) and wife (Famke Janssen). In the running for the worst action movie of the year.


Savages
Oliver Stone’s attempt at a Hollywood comeback was less than successful, mainly because it sucked.
Savages founders in fundamentals, mainly the awkward casting of its main roles. AaronJohnson and Taylor Kitsch are bad but the worst offender is young Blake Lively – the supposed juicy filling in this love sandwich and proud owner of one of the worst performances this year. The idiocy of her character, and a monotonous voice over, neuters any care we might have for her and any interest in her plight.

Some older performers do a slightly better job (like Beniciodel Toro and John Travolta) but the whole endeavour is doomed from the off – all the way up to an ending that goes for clever but gets lost in futile self-awareness. Avoid it.


Charlie Casanova (read the review)
Irish director TerryMcMahon secured international distribution for his feature directing debut, with a film that came together on Facebook and was made for pocket change. And it looks it.

There’s something commendable in managing to will a movie into existence but when the result is this incompetent, grotesque and unwatchable the merit starts to wane. The film wants to make a point about the untethered nature of the modern man, it wants to invoke a gut reaction in its audience but beyond hating the central character it doesn’t take long before you also start to detest the picture.

The nature of the film means that curiosity will still draw the unwary viewer into seeking out Charlie Casanova – we don’t recommend it.


Jack and Jill
Adam Sandler was on top form last year, picking up six highly coveted Golden Raspberry awards for his work on features like Jack and Jill and Just Go With It. The former film was also nominated in 12 categories and broke records by winning every single one.

The Razzies are awarded to the worst films of the year.

The trailer for Jack and Jill created a mixture of fear and inevitability in my brain – I knew it would appal my senses but I also knew that I would have to experience it firsthand. I still have nightmares.

There’s just something about the film that seems ill-conceived from the get go – the notion of notion of forcing us to watch Adam Sandler dressed up in women’s clothes for 90 minutes and actually intensifying the horror by making the Jill character one of the most detestable human beings in cinema history.

Sandler’s male role lacks any real personality, matched in vacuousness by wife Katie Holmes and frequent onscreen buddies Nick Swardson and David Spade. But the ultimate indignity is the presence of Oscar winning actor Al Pacino, who is forced to fawn after the repulsive Jill in scene after scene of embarrassingly mounted ‘comedy’. What’s worse, Pacino even seems committed to the role – a fact that should earn laughs but just made me cry ice tears of sadness in my brain.
I lacked the mental capacity to review Jack and Jill. This should give you a clue as to its awfulness.


The Three Stooges (read the review)
The characters of Larry, Curly and Moe have no place in my cultural lexicon – I never watched the shorts as a kid and have felt no need to seek them out now that I am supposedly grown. But even familiarity couldn’t have improved this farcical picture.
The Farrelly Brothers used to make some of the finest comedies of the 90s, including Dumb & Dumber and There’s Something About Mary. Then a plank in reason broke and the fall began – all the way to 2007s The Heartbreak Kid. The ThreeStooges is their worst yet.

Maybe it’s my sensitive old man ears or my movie battered eyeballs but a movie composed mostly of shrieking man children beating eachother around the face is not my idea of entertainment. Worse, the brothers Farrelly make no attempt to conjure up any interesting set pieces to test the physical comedy mettle of their dullard trio.

I sum it up thusly in my review:

“If you like the idea of watching three mentally deficient thirty-five year old men wandering around while physically abusing eachother, getting involved in a murder, nearly asphyxiating a dolphin, beating the shit out of Larry David, giving air time to Jersey Shore and setting their own farts on fire then you still shouldn’t see The Three Stooges because it’s so cackhandedly presented as to neuter any real sense of fun.”

Don’t see it.


We'll have our top 10 best movies soon, that list is less depressing.


The 5 Worst Films of 2012 on ClickOnline.com


About this author

daniel@clickonline.com
Movie Editor
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